


I'd Still Choose You

by angelt626



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, Part of my own verse, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-04-27 05:23:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14418591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelt626/pseuds/angelt626
Summary: In the midst of being on the run, Natasha finds herself facing a situation and a person she never thought she would have to ever again. But love is for children, isn't it?Bucky never imagined his life would go where it has, much less that he would see Natalia Romanova again. Now that he has, old feelings are resurfacing,   and he must answer the question: what will he do about it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one is dedicated to the awesome people in my Coven. Love y'all!

The last person she’d ever expected to call her was, to her surprise.

When the number flashed across her phone, Natasha nearly didn’t answer it, having half-forgotten she’d ever given him a way to contact her and partly wondering why. Before the airport had happened, she'd handed T'Challa a burner phone privately and told him it was “for if you need a hand” with a slight smile. Never expecting him to call, she thumbed the answer option, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“I’m surprised you actually called. I’d have thought after everything that happened, I’d be the last person you would call for help.”

“Hello to you too, Ms. Romanoff. Shall I call you at another time or do you have a moment to spare?”

“That depends. Am I going to have to hurt the people you send hunting me?”

“As much as that would endlessly please Ayo to hunt you, no, you will not. I seek your assistance, if you still wish to provide it,” T’Challa replied smoothly.

“I’m listening.”

“I don’t wish to provide many details with how we are currently speaking, but I am requesting your presence here in my country, and we shall speak then.”

“You don’t trust me?”

“Do I have a reason not to?”

Fair point to him. “Is there any information you _are_ willing to provide? I’ve gotten more information on covert missions I’ve been on.”

“Only that it will require the knowledge of multiple languages, one in particular which I know you have. You are welcome to decline, but I would appreciate your help with this matter immensely.”

“You’ll have to give me a few days. I can’t travel as easily as I used to now that I’ve been made a fugitive by a certain few persons,” she said pointedly.

“I apologize for that. I was...rash and angry, still grieving, and under the belief that I’d lost the chance to avenge my father’s death. Allow me to make up for it; my personal vehicle can pick you up and bring you to Wakanda. Is that satisfactory?”

“I wasn’t blaming you, but I appreciate the apology. You’re okay with bringing a known fugitive to your country?”

“Being the king has its benefits, Ms. Romanoff. I will be more than willing to ensure that extradition is not possible. You have my word.”

She bit her lip as she considered her options: try and fly commercially with the hope that she wouldn’t get recognized (the suggestion of blonde hair from Bobbi had been a smart one), stowaway on a plane, which would be more than a little uncomfortable, or be picked up by the king of a sovereign nation and hope it wasn’t a ruse. Commercial flights cost money she couldn’t afford to spend, stowing away was uncomfortable, and well...she’d fought her way out of worse. “All right. I’ll text you a nearby address that I’ll be at soon. It’s a private airstrip; make sure you aren’t followed.” Nat disconnected the call, thinking she heard a laugh on the other end of the line, sent the text message she said she would before she grabbed her bag and packed her things.

*********

Several hours later saw Natasha exiting from what she’d discovered was King T’Challa’s personal _aircraft_ , not a vehicle, like he’d said, or even a chartered plane. She’d been surprised by the beauty and the simplicity of the vessel while still awed inwardly at how advanced it was. Tony would have had a field day if he’d been inside of it, acting like a child on its birthday, her chest panging at the thought. They hadn’t exactly parted on the best of terms, nor had they kept in touch since, which was probably for the best. She wasn’t sure whose side he was on, and until she did, she wasn’t risking it. All she knew was that she had a friend, or so she hoped, in T’Challa. Walking down the ramp, she saw a group of people, composed of women and one man, all who were waiting...for her? She felt relieved when she saw T’Challa at the head of the group, a smile on his face, as he stood watching her. “I wasn’t expecting all of this.”

“This is nothing, and it is a...formality for myself,” he replied, one corner up his mouth tilting upwards as he gestured at his guards. “Your flight was without incident, yes?”

“It was uneventful...and smoother than I thought it would be. I would have thanked the pilot, but no one ever introduced themselves.”

“That would be because my sister flew it remotely.”

“From well over a thousand miles away?” Natasha blinked, trying to process what he was saying. “How?”

“The wonders of Wakandan technology,” he grinned.

Natasha snorted disbelievingly. “Such a modest king, and I bet that I haven’t seen anything really, have I?”

“We worked hard to remain hidden; keeping some secrets is something no one would deny us. There is one here who wished to speak with you privately. I shall enjoy the honor of your company at dinner, if you would join me as my guest.”

“Until then, your Highness. And the honor is all mine,” Natasha replied in perfect Xhosan, inclining her head and smirking lightly at the quick look of surprise on his face. “I’m a spy, you knew that.”

“I was aware of that fact, but despite your skills, I had no expectations of you having knowledge of my mother tongue,” he smiled, replying in English. “I’m impressed you had the foresight to learn it.”

“Like you said, I know my languages.”

“Break it up, you two,” teased a voice from behind T’Challa that Natasha was well acquainted with. T’Challa nodded politely and stepped aside to reveal a blonde haired woman striding forward to greet her. Natasha swept aside her confusion at seeing her and hugged her fiercely, grateful for the sight of a true friend.

“What are you doing here? How are you here?” Natasha asked in Russian as she pulled away from Bobbi.

“My husband’s a fugitive now, remember?” Bobbi answered with a rueful grin in English before sobering quickly. “He...he ended up on The Raft, Nat. Cap and I went and busted him out.”

The redhead felt sick to her stomach, horror roiling in her gut. Gods help her, she hadn’t _known_ that that was where they would be sent, nor had she bothered to ask. She’d been more concerned with running away, as far and as fast as she could, anything to try and forget _him_. “It wasn’t just Clint that was there, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t,” Bobbi shook her head slowly as they trailed behind T’Challa and his personal guard, heading inside.

“All of them?” _Boshe moi, anything but that. He doesn’t deserve that, none of them do_.

“No. The team gave themselves up, but you might have known that already.”

The sigh of relief that she didn’t expel threatened to undo her, so grateful was she that he hadn’t been caught, hadn’t been caged again like some sort of wild animal, but...she needed to know for certain. “So Barnes and Steve…?”

“They got to Siberia, where the rest of the people like Bucky were kept. Things went to hell in a handbasket real fast.”

“How bad?”

“They’re both still alive, which is saying something. Sounds like Tony tried to go through them.” Natasha winced. She should’ve known he’d do something like that and stopped him before he had. Besides Pepper, Happy and Rhodey, she was one of the few who could talk some sort of sense into him. Bobbi must’ve seen the look on her face because she squeezed her hand. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Evade, evade, evade.

“You know, I thought you’d already learned you can’t pull that crap with me where you try to avoid stuff. It might work on everybody else, but not me,” Bobbi groused lightly as she held up a beaded bracelet to a panel, a lock clicking open before she pushed at a door and held it open for Nat. The redhead gratefully slipped inside, taking a second to look at the decor and the room. It was just as tastefully done as the aircraft had been, done in muted grays and white, with metal accented furniture. She saw a few doors, one that must lead to the bedroom, and she couldn’t be sure of the other ones. She’d have to inspect them more later. “You’re gonna have to talk about it all eventually,” Bobbi warned, sitting on the couch.

“Where are we?” Nat asked, giving her a silent look that was pleading. She would never admit to it, but she was...tired. Being on the run and having to move from place to place was exhausting, and for the first time, she felt more than relieved at feeling as though she was _safe_ again.

Bobbi held her hands up in surrender, letting her win this round. “This is where you’ll be staying while you’re here. Clint, the kids and I are just down the hall.”

“You’re liking it here?”

“It’s not home, but…” Bobbi shrugged. “It’s not the farm, but you know I’m okay with just about anywhere, as long as I’m with Clint and the kids are safe with a roof over their heads. That’s what’s most important. Home is where the heart is and all that.”

“I can understand that, I suppose. It could be worse, but you know that.”

“Oh, I do.”

“So how much does he hate me?” Natasha sighed as she sat down slowly.

“Who, Clint? He isn’t, and he’d be surprised that you’re even asking that. So would Cap. They don’t like that you made the decision you did, but they understand why you made the one you did.”

“Do you?”

It was Bobbi’s turn to sigh, running a hand through her hair. “You know that I do.”

“Asking me to go easy on your husband is not the same as understanding why I made the decision to side with Tony,” Nat chastised gently.

“And here I thought they were synonymous with each other,” Bobbi retorted wryly. “Seriously though, I do get it, maybe even more so than Clint and Steve do. I just don’t like that I’m a fugitive now, that’s all.”

“If I had known that was going to happen…”

“Oh, don’t even try to kid either of us with that crap. You still would’ve done things exactly the same, but you might’ve given me a proper heads up and more time to prepare is all,” Bobbi snorted. 

“Well, yes, I suppose so. I’m still sorry it happened.”

“What’s done is done. I’m just happy the kids weren’t hurt.”

Natasha froze, going as still as a statue and chalk white. “What do you mean about that? What happened?” She damn well hadn’t known about any threat to the lives of her godchildren, and if she had, she’d have put whoever it was down, immediately.

“No one told you?”

“What gave me away, the fact that I sound like an incompetent idiot or that I look like a ghost?” she huffed angrily.

“Sorry. There was...General Ross came out to the farm, Nat. With a strike team.”

“I take it he didn’t go there to have lunch and a meet and greet with you and the kids,” Natasha said, her fists clenching. 

“Not exactly, no. He came to abduct me and the kids, not knowing who I was because Fury took care of that years ago, which I now have a reason to thank him for,” Bobbi explained, her nose wrinkling at the last thought. “But yes, he didn’t come peacefully. He wanted to use us to get Clint to talk. His plans didn’t come to fruition, or we might not be having this conversation.”

“Yes, because you of all people would have let yourself be abducted on purpose. Even if they’d somehow overpowered you, you’d have busted out in less than a day, and that’s being generous,” Nat smirked.

“Damn right I would have,” Bobbi smiled.

“I didn’t know a thing about it, I swear.”

“Yeah, I know you didn’t. I wouldn’t have made you the godmother to my kids if I ever thought you’d be behind something like that, Nat.” Bobbi squeezed her hand reassuringly with a nod. “We’re okay. I promise.”

“And Ross? What about him?”

Bobbi grinned evilly. “You mean did I leave him in one piece or is he pushing daisies?” 

“Yeah, that. Right now, I’m hoping for the former, even if I’d understand you taking him out.”

“Don’t worry; he’s...intactish. I kicked the asses of the guys he brought with him, gave him a piece of mind, told him to go fuck himself, left him with more than one bruise, and sent him and his pack of amateurs off to lick their wounds.”

“That’ll teach him,” Natasha beamed. “Though I still wish I’d been there to do it with you.”

“Well, if he’s stupid enough to not listen to my warning, which is a high possibility, he’ll come back for seconds. He just won’t know what he’s getting into this time is all,” Bobbi’s grin turned malicious.

“Have I told you how terrifying you can be when you look like that?”

“You have told me before, thanks. But it’s always nice to hear.”

“How are Clint and the kids liking it here?” Natasha smiled.

“Pretty well, actually, even though I know Clint blames himself for us even having to be here and isn’t saying it,” Bobbi rolled her eyes with a shake of her head. 

“I’m not surprised. This is Clinton Francis Barton we’re talking about,” Natasha smiled wanly, her eyes on Bobbi as the blonde left the room and returned with two wine glasses and a bottle, sitting back down.

“Yeah, I know. He just needs to stop blaming himself, especially when I backed him up on it. Hell, I nearly shoved him out the front door, Nat. Steve called, and Clint said he wasn’t going, that he was retired, but I insisted on it. I knew if Steve was calling, he wasn’t doing it just to be difficult; he needed Clint. How could either of us say no to that?” Bobbi shrugged.

Nat squeezed her hand gently. “You did what you thought was right, and that’s what’s important. For what it’s worth, I’m glad it was him and not the both of you.”

“Why’s that?”

“You might be somewhat out of practice in the field, sestra, but you’d have kicked all of our asses, _and_ ensured that those idiots didn’t have to go out to The Raft.”

“Don’t give me too much credit; Vision would have given me a hell of a time.”

“You mean you don’t know how you’d take him down if he went rogue?”

Bobbi smirked widely and handed her a glassful. “Oh, I’d have figured out something. I’m just saying don’t make me sound better than I am.”

“I’m not; Tony would have freaked if you’d been there,” Nat hummed.

“And in another world, I was. Just not this one. Clint told me they put up a good fight until they couldn’t anymore.”

“They did. You’d have been pleased.”

“Doesn’t mean it should have happened, though,” Bobbi sighed.

Nat was quiet for a long moment, her gaze introspective as she sipped her wine. “No, it shouldn’t have, but I don’t think there was ever going to be any avoiding that particular fight between Steve and Tony.”

“Those two are like oil and water; they don’t mix, not with their attitudes. They’d have come to blows eventually, if not over Barnes, then something else.”

“What about Barnes?”

It was Bobbi’s turn to be silent, biting the inside of her cheek. “I thought you knew.”

“Don’t play stupid, Bobbi. You don’t want me to blame myself, fine, but then you don’t get to play dumb or be evasive. _What happened_?”

“Steve said you knew.”

“What?” Natasha frowned deeply, mind racing as she tried to think of what Bobbi meant.

“Yeah. He said you both found out in an underground bunker at Camp Lehigh that Barnes had killed Stark’s parents.”

“I was there, yes, but there was a lot going on. I looked into it after everything happened, but I didn’t look too closely at it, not when it looked like Stark senior was killed because he was poking around HYDRA.”

“What do you mean?”

“There were reports of him asking questions and a few of the higher-ups at HYDRA sanctioned the kill against him. The fact that he had come up with a version of the formula that they wanted was just a bonus.”

“Did you know about it before then?”

“You mean when I was in the Red Room and Barnes was my trainer and handler? I didn’t know exactly who he was sent after, but I know he was sent out on a sanction and extraction mission. Alone. It wasn’t until decades later that I found out.”

“Why didn’t you say anything to Tony?”

Natasha gave her an arch look over her wine glass. “Put yourself in my position and then consider that question seriously. Would you have done it?”

Bobbi grimaced. “You mean would I have sent you after the world’s best assassin knowing he was very likely a complete mental wreck but still just as dangerous while also knowing it might get Tony killed? I may not like him much right now, but I don’t hate him enough to send him off on a suicide mission.”

“Exactly. He would have gone to hell and back trying to kill Barnes and would have failed miserably. In the grander scheme of things, it’s not worth it; not for the possible cost and just for the sake of revenge.”

“I’m not sure it would have been revenge in Tony’s eyes; he’d have seen it as justice, which is part of why he tried to kill Barnes and nearly went through Cap to get at him. As for the rest, I think his feelings were more than a little hurt that Steve sided with Bucky, which wasn’t helped by the fact that Steve and Bucky grew up together,” Bobbi replied softly.

“He should have known that would happen. Tony doesn’t know how to compartmentalize his feelings from the facts. He didn’t know what Barnes had been put through,” Natasha murmured, her eyes vacant with memories.

“How bad was it? What was done to Bucky, I mean. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst.”

“There’s not a number that could be put to what was done to him, Bobbi. To what I witnessed be done to him. Imagine having to watch Clint be tortured over and over and over again into forgetting, and you couldn’t say anything about it or stop it from happening.”

The look of horror laced with sympathy on Bobbi’s face spoke volumes. “You love him.”

“I’ll always love Clint, sestra. That won’t change.”

“No, I mean Barnes, or Bucky, rather. You love him.”

Natasha’s gaze shuttered at the idea of it, her tone chilly. “Love is for children, Bobbi.”

“And? Ignoring the fallacy behind that sentence, it doesn’t change how you feel about him.”

“Even if I did love him, it wouldn’t change anything. I don’t get a happily ever after like you. It’s not in the cards,” Natasha replied quietly. Bobbi opened her mouth to say something before closing it, something Nat was extremely grateful for. She had no desire to further dredge up her past or to revisit how she felt about the Winter Soldier. Regardless of her feelings, there was no changing how things were; he and Steve were in the wind, and she was a fugitive on the run taking refuge in a foreign country. “It doesn’t matter.”

“That’s bullshit, Natasha, and you damn well know it.”

The redhead shrugged elegantly, finishing off her glass of wine and pouring herself another. “Maybe, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I have no future with him, and that’s all there is to say.”

Bobbi nodded slowly, a pensive look on her face, and started to speak when a trilling noise came from her bracelet. She pressed one of the beads and smiled. “Looks like Clint and the kids are back, I want to go see them. Dinner is in a few hours in the main dining room, around 7. I’ll see you there?”

“You will, yes,” she said as she moved to stand, her arms hugging the blonde back. “Tell them I missed them?”

“You can tell them yourself, Auntie Tasha. They’ll be happy to see you,” Bobbi kissed her on the cheek and winked before leaving her alone with her thoughts, locking the door behind her. She was tempted to sink back down onto the couch but chose to investigate. The door Bobbi walked through before lead to a small kitchen area that was well-stocked with food. The other doors led to a small closet and the bedroom, the space large and spacious in white and cream, with an en-suite bathroom attached. Natasha unpacked her things as she pondered over their discussion, shelving it for later instead; the bed looked far too inviting for someone who’d not slept over the course of several hours and timezones. She stripped down to her bra and panties before sliding in between the sheets, setting her alarm as she got comfortable. Her head hit the pillow and before she knew it, slumber had pulled her into its warm embrace.


	2. The words in between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha finds herself amongst old friends and new acquaintances.

_She stood under the spray, washing away the remnants of a mission well-done without the Winter Soldier. Despite the fact that she had made the choice to go, Natasha couldn’t help but feel as though the blood of her target had soaked through to the bone. Another drop of blood in her ledger that she would never be able to erase. Frowning, she slowed her movements and listened intently, a sound catching her attention. A quick glance around the corner, but there was no one else in the communal showers that were meant to be used post missions. She turned back to her own, relaxing as she let the pulsating water wash over her._

_“Letting me sneak up on you? We’ll have to work on that.”_

_Natasha’s eyes flew open even as she shoved the person against the wall, a long knife against their throat. “James.”_

_“Planning on using that thing?” He smirked challengingly, a spark of something in his eyes that appeared every time she called him that name. She called him soldat once in awhile, and Winter Soldier was not something she would call him, so when she called him James and it seemed to fit, he became that. Her James._

_“It would teach you to not sneak up on me.”_

_“Yes but then how would you ever explain that, hmm?”_

_“I could handle it, and it would serve you right if I gutted you,” Natasha rolled her eyes as she sauntered back to her shower. She could feel his eyes on her as she did and couldn’t help but grin. “Planning on joining me, or just going to stare at me longingly?”_

_“Is both an option?” James smiled with a mischievous air and tugged his clothes off slowly, as though performing a strip tease just for her. She watched hungrily, that ever present want for him simmering deep inside her._

_“Jerk.”_

_“So cruel.” He kicked his pants away before moving within arms reach, pressing close to her, his bionic arm caressing her hip. “Hi.”_

_“Hi.”_

_“I hear you did well on your mission; they’re very pleased.”_

_“It wasn’t anything special, just a foreign government official they wanted dead.”_

_“But?”_

_She shook her head with a slight shrug as she turned away to face the spray of water. “It’s nothing.”_

_“You’re getting better at lying, though I can tell when you are,” he murmured, pressing his lips to the side of her neck. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. You know why I couldn’t be.”_

_“Because we risk attracting too much attention to us if we go on too many missions together, I know.” She hated how petulant her voice sounded, even to herself, but rewarded him by rolling her neck to give him better access._

_“You don’t like it.”_

_“There’s not much point in talking about it.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Like we’ll ever do _that_ with each other.”_

_“You say that like it’s an impossibility.”_

_“No, I just know what it requires is all.” Candor. Being open. Vulnerability. Things they were both extremely hesitant to show each other._

_“All right, fine. How about this then: I’ll tell you one honest thing I’m thinking or feeling if you’ll do the same.”_

_One of her eyebrows rose, intrigued. Oh, but this could get very dangerous. If he was willing to do it, she wasn’t going to back down, though not without one concern being cleared up. “No repercussions?”_

_“Absolutely not. What’s said here—” he gestured between them — “stays here.”_

_Natasha nodded slowly, her brow furrowing. “You first.”_

_“I’m thinking that...I wish I’d met you outside of here, where we could be together without the fear of what might happen. Go on dates, be normal. I could seduce you properly.”_

_“How would you do that?”_

_To her surprise, he indulged her. “I’d do all the things I can’t do for you because of the eyes and ears that’ll sell that information for anything; you’d love it.”_

_“You think you know me that well?”_

_“I know I do. Your turn.”_

_She sighed deeply as she weighed her words. “I hate that you weren’t on that mission with me. Not that I needed you to be; I did just fine. It was just...strange, you not being there to watch my back. I missed it.”_

_“Not just that, I hope,” he replied softly._

_“No, not just that,” Natasha echoed, turning her head so she could kiss him and trying to convey all the words she couldn’t voice for what they would mean, what they could become. He returned the kiss eagerly, his lips and tongue exploring her mouth as a well-known traveler. She moaned softly, her hips rocking back against his insistently._

_James dragged his lips across her jaw to her ear, leaving a trail of nibbles. “I missed you too, Natalia. Very much. Know what else I missed?”_

_“No.”_

_“I missed the way you sound when I do this.” He kneaded a breast with his flesh hand, smirking against her skin when she groaned. “And this.” His other hand stroked between her thighs deftly._

_“Stop teasing, please,” she hissed. “Just fuck me already.”_

_“Tsk. So impatient.”_

_“It’s been over a week since we last did this; are you saying you don’t want this just as badly?” Natasha slid a hand between them, stroking his cock firmly._

_“Didn’t...ohh...say that.”_

_“Best get to it then before someone catches us by coming in.”_

_He moved to face her and then to his knees, taking care to worship her body as he did. “The door is locked and jammed from the inside. No one is getting in here until one of us leaves, and it’s late. I assume you remember the punishment for being caught out at this hour if you’re lower ranked?” He scraped his teeth over her hip, eliciting a gasp from her._

_“Yes, damn it, but that doesn’t mean we have lots of time!”_

_“Always so worried about someone catching us.”_

_“And you’re not?” She pulled away, her eyebrow arched._

_“I’m always worried about it, but I take plenty of precautions to insure that we aren’t. The only way we’ll be caught is if we’re not careful.”_

_Natasha nodded slowly as she mused over his words. “I hate it.”_

_“Hate what?”_

_“That we have to worry about it.”_

_“And if we didn’t have to?” His hands stroked her hips idly, his gaze far away until it focused and met hers._

_“That’s treason, James. They would never stop looking for us and they would kill us before letting us live for something like that. This is—“_

_“Don’t finish that sentence,” he sighed deeply, resting his forehead against her stomach. She ran her hands through his hair comfortingly, unable to offer him any real words of sympathy or solace. Their lives were forfeit to the Red Room; the idea of anything else being their reality was preposterous. The idea of a life with James was just that; an idea and a dream. “I hate this more than anything they could do to me.”_

_“Don’t say that.”_

_“It’s true, I do. I meant what I said earlier.”_

_“I know you do, and I wish I could make that our reality,” she admitted quietly, not missing the sad look in his eyes. “But all we can do is enjoy the time we have together now.”_

_“That’s depressing.”_

_“It’s realistic,” she pointed out._

_“I guess, but I don’t agree,” he shrugged. Natasha bent down and kissed him slowly, apologizing with her tongue what she couldn’t say aloud. James responded in kind, the kiss deepening as he smirked up at her. “Now before I was interrupted…”_

_“You started it!”_

_He pinched the swell of her ass teasingly, a grin on his face at the indignant squeak she made. “Want me to kiss it better?”_

_“Not right now, you’ll see to it before the end of the night. Get back to it then, since I interrupted you,” she snickered._

_“Yes ma’am.” Those were the last words he uttered before sealing his mouth over her sex, licking and sucking and dragging her towards a climax, the feeling building higher and more tightly. She was so close…_

 

Natasha woke up with a start a good ten minutes before her alarm was to ring, finding her hand between her thighs. The temptation to take care of the feeling that her dream of a memory had left her with was present, but she knew she would need to clean up and get ready just as she was getting into it. “Afterwards then.” She grabbed her phone and shut off the alarm, knowing full well she wasn’t going to get any more sleep between now and when she was due to wake up. Being a spy was enough to keep her on edge as it was, but sleeping poorly and adjusting to a new time zone both took a toll, no matter how frequently she did the latter. The fact that she had just had a sex memory dream only made things worse. She laid in the bed (one of the most comfortable ones she’d ever slept on), musing over her conversation earlier with Bobbi. She meant what she’d said; it wasn’t in the cards for her to have a happy ending, not like the one that Bobbi and Clint had together. It wasn’t that she didn’t want such a thing; she just didn’t believe it was something tangible that was meant for her. The thing with Bruce was just that, nothing more than a flirtation between two people who worked together, which was fun. She was under no delusions of the two of them ever being together. Natasha had entertained the idea of herself and Cap briefly before discarding it; he was too good for her, and he deserved better. Someone with a far less bloodied soul, and that wasn’t her. It didn’t help matters that she was fairly certain he didn’t like her beyond mutual friendship, so there was no use in wasting her time. Clint was with Bobbi, and happily so. She was more than glad that they’d found each other, wishing them all the best in the world. More than once, she’d considered the idea of seeing if they’d both be interested in her joining them, but being on the run had put a damper on that line of thought. 

And then there was James. The one person in the world that she was going to leave the Red Room for, that she had left for. He certainly wasn’t the only reason behind it; having the best archer in the world aim an arrow at her chest and tell her that there were better causes in the world to fight for had only served to nudge her more firmly in that direction, the fact that she was leaning toward doing so notwithstanding. She wanted another reason, a better one, to continue to do what she did, especially when it was all she was good at, and SHIELD had happened to be more than sufficient. Being in the extra governmental secret agency had been more than helpful; it had made it possible to keep two ears out for news about James. The chatter had gotten increasingly more frequent over time concerning the Winter Soldier, and she knew it was all true, including everything she had heard after she’d left the Red Room. What she hadn’t planned for was seeing James again in Odessa; that had been a shock she hadn’t anticipated. The interesting part was that the mission hadn’t been public knowledge around the company water cooler. Only a select number of SHIELD personnel had known about it, and she’d never been able to find out who the culprit was when it happened. Not until she leaked everything onto the internet. Karma was a cruel mistress; the person who’d leaked the information was found dead less than a week later. If it hadn’t been her, it would have been someone else.

She’d taken time off to herself, claiming that she needed it to heal from the bullet he’d put through her. It was a lie in and of itself, but no one in authority actively questioned the Black Widow over it. Not when her skills put her nearly on par with the Winter Soldier. In truth, the bullet through her hip had hurt less than the emotional pain of seeing James again. Someone she’d long thought she’d buried any feelings for, but not in reality. Natasha had caught the barest glimpse of him, but she’d know that body language anywhere; tall, with an outright strut, very self-assured that he’d accomplished his mission. She’d had the ballistics run on the slug she’d pulled from her body, already fearful of what the report would say and hoping she was wrong. When the paperwork came back and confirmed what she already knew to be true, it was as if there was a tightness in her chest that coiled up even more. She’d fervently hoped that someone, anyone, would best him, put an end to his suffering and her own feelings of cowardice at not being able to kill him. Would it mean she would never get to see him again? Yes, but he would be free, and that would have been enough for her.

Then the mess in Virginia had happened and he’d been there, too. She’d known who it was as soon as she heard the ballistics report of the bullets that had been shot at Fury. The gasp she’d let loose had been one tinged with surprise but mostly horror; if he kept coming at Steve, it wouldn’t end well for either of them. She’d hoped by getting ahold of the USB that the tall blond had stored in the vending machine (did he think she was stupid?) would deter him. Nope. Instead he kept moving forward doggedly, the two of them and Sam nearly biting it when the Winter Soldier had caught up with them. There’d been no doubt that it was him; the metal arm, that same self-assured strut that he had that screamed that he knew what he was doing. There’d been no time to think, just react to what was going on. It wasn’t until she was in the back of the truck with the boys and Hill that she decided she wasn’t going to tell Steve. What good would it do either of them? He would want her to tell him what she knew about his best friend, which would serve to reopen the chasm in her heart even further. He’d be shocked, curious, and wanting more answers than she would want, be able or willing to provide. No, it was better that he didn’t know.

She’d hated seeing him again in Vienna. The fact that he was more lucid than he had been during their previous two run-ins helped, but he was somewhere between the Winter Soldier and her James. He was an amalgam of the two, and very caught in the middle of a fight that he had no part in. Natasha had known he didn’t deserve what was happening to him. She’d wanted nothing more than to take him away, to help him heal, if nothing else. that it would’ve done any good when he was triggered again and didn’t remember her at all. Hoarsely accusing him had had no effect on him. Everything had went from bad to worse but if there was one positive outcome it was that he had gotten away. He was _free_ , for the first time in decades, an idea worth its weight in how precious it was to her to know that. James wasn’t a victim anymore; maybe a slave to his mind and nightmares, but not HYDRA’s, anyway. 

Glancing at the time, Natasha stretched slowly before rising. She’d been so exhausted earlier, a shower hadn’t even been something she’d thought of. Now with some sleep behind her, she felt a bit grimy. She rifled through her things, located her toiletries, and took her time showering. The water pressure felt amazing, better than anything she’d had at the countless number of places she had lived in temporarily before moving on. The risk was too great to stay long at any one place, never laying down roots. _Not that I have any to put down_ , she thought, as she washed up. It had worked; she’d managed to evade Tony and the government and other agencies for well over a year. At least she wasn’t in jail, and that was all that mattered. She’d be able to help T’Challa with whatever he needed help with that he couldn’t do himself while considering what to do next.

She slipped out and dried off before dressing in a pair of black pants, a long sleeved, dark blue peasant top with her Widow’s bite bracelets around her wrists (along with a few knives strategically placed, she could never be too careful, even if she was in a safe place), and simple flats, hoping that dinner wasn’t too formal of an occasion. “Someone might have told me if it was,” she mused aloud as she stepped into the hallway, wondering where she was supposed to be going. It wasn’t as though there was a map anywhere, not that she could see, which meant she’d have to make her way back the way she came and hope for the best. Finding her way to the main staircase, she found several other sets of stairs and halls, each branching off in different directions without looking too haphazard. As she stood surveying the hall, she felt more than heard someone come up behind her and whirled around, one fist raised.

“You plannin’ on seeing some action in the Grand Hall, Nat?” Clint asked, hands held up in surrender, palms open.

She exhaled and lowered her arm, exhaling sharply. “You know better than to sneak up on me. I wouldn’t have thought over a year apart would have made you that forgetful, Clint.”

“Nah, but the moment was right there so I said, what the hell. It’s not like the kids are with me, so you’re good,” he smiled crookedly.

“Speaking of, where are they?”

“Back at the quarters. Bobbi’s finishing getting them settled and she’ll meet us in the dining area. Want a tour?”

“What makes you think I didn’t already get one?”

Clint scoffed and rolled his eyes knowingly. “The fact that you were standin’ around, looking like you were out of your depth but that you’d rather be flayed alive than ask for directions. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

She smiled and followed him as he led her in the direction promised, listening faintly as he pointed out different areas of interest and cataloguing them to look at on her own later. Natasha halted before they reached the large doors that presumably led to the dining hall, avoiding looking at Clint as she shifted slightly. What the hell did one say to their best friend to apologize for getting them thrown into one of the worst prisons ever to exist?

“If you’re gonna say something, you might wanna do it before dinner freezes over,” Clint joked, a tightness to the smile on his lips.

“I just...I’m...I regret what happened in Germany. Not fighting with you and Steve and fighting against you both. I made a mistake,” Natasha said softly, her words careful.

“Now there’s a new one. The Black Widow, apologizing? You couldn’t have just said sorry and let me call you out on your bullshit? Now I owe Bobbi twenty bucks because she bet that you’d say everything but those two words,” he shook his head ruefully.

Natasha nudged him in the side with an elbow. “I didn’t hear an apology in there, not that I remember.”

“Yeah but I’ve known you for years. I know a Natasha Romanoff apology when I see one. And I forgive you. I’m still trying to get why you sided with Tony, but Bobbi’s helped with that a lot, you should thank her.”

“You’re not angry?”

“Why, do you want me to be?”

“No, I just...thought you might be is all. You have that right.”

Clint sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a long moment before he fixed his gaze on her. “I was. For weeks, I was furious. Mad that you’d betray us, your family, that you’d do that to the rest of us. And hurt,” he added quietly, not seeing the look of anguish on her face. “The only thing that kept me from coming after you was Bobbi. She…talked me down. Didn’t help that she used the attack on the farm as backup reasoning.”

“If I’d known about that—“ she began, cut off when he cast a sharp look at her, his gaze as piercing as his namesake.

“You wouldn’t have done anything differently, Nat. We both know that. The Accords, that bunch of absolute bullshit, were already being set in stone, and you fell right in line, like the good little soldier you turned into, because they made you feel like you had a line to toe then that might hold you back. Which is also shit too, because you’ve never given a damn about following the rules if they didn’t suit you, so don’t lie to me,” Clint sighed tiredly.

She nodded firmly, knowing she owed him that much, at least. “You’re right. You deserve better than that.”

“Got that right.”

“If I’d known what the outcome was, what the end cost was, I might’ve sided with you instead. It’s not…what I’ve lost was greater than I anticipated,” she muttered, closing her eyes tightly. _James. You. Steve. The rest of the team._ She started a moment later when she felt a strong pair of arms wrapping around her before she hugged him back.

“And they call _me_ an idiot,” Clint snorted. “You haven’t lost anything, Nat, least of all me. Maybe a safe place to live permanently, but Stark will get over it once his ego deflates like the balloon it is and welcome you back to the compound. Who knows? Maybe he’ll even pay you for betraying him at the end.”

“I very much doubt that, Clint, but thank you. And am I that transparent?”

“I wasn’t your partner and boyfriend for years for nothing, ya know,” he retorted with a smirk.

“I’m wounded that you only slept with me to learn how to read me better. I thought I was a good enough teacher,” she said with mock hurt.

Clint grinned broadly, his eyes shining with the truth. They both knew he’d loved her and she had loved him, even though they’d never said it aloud; the only thing that changed was how they loved each other. “Eh, I muddled through. The sex was worth the mediocre teaching.”

“The sex was better than mediocre, or so you told me once upon a time,” she smirked.

Before he could respond, they heard someone. “You flirting with my husband, Nat?”

“He did it first.”

“Lies! How dare you!”

“I’m hurt you didn’t tell me beforehand, sport. I’d have been here to enjoy the show,” Bobbi teased.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Clint asked, staring up at the ceiling for answers.

“Admit it, you love it when we double-team you like this,” Nat winked.

“Don’t tease the poor man too much, Nat. He might explode and then where would we be?”

Natasha pouted prettily. “But it’s so much fun.”

“God, kill me now. I’m not picky,” Clint groaned.

“But then who would comfort me in my time of need?” Bobbi asked with a grin.

“That’s why you have me,” Nat replied. “Shame Clint won’t be here to see it.”

 

The blond archer glared at them without heat. “Remind me why the cat decided it was a great idea to let you two be in the same room together?”

“He needs my help for something. Besides, we’re not that bad, I didn’t think,” Nat answered.

Bobbi laughed. “Somehow, he’ll survive. Least painful torture he’s ever experienced.”

“True, and it’s fun.” Natasha looked at Clint with a smile. “Are we cool, or…?”

“Like the North Pole,” he nodded, kissing her hair gently. She sunk into the hug that he offered with relief, glad that they had dealt with that. They could’ve ignored it, pushed it away, but they both knew that Bobbi would never have let it happen. _Meddlesome woman_ , Natasha thought to herself, even if she wouldn’t give her up on pain of death. They were family and always would be.

“Dinner’s waiting if you two are ready to break up the lovefest,” her sister teased.

Clint pulled away, shaking his head. “Just had to ruin the moment, didn’t ya?”

“Well, it was right there; I couldn’t ignore it. Besides, I’m pretty sure you’re both hungry, too.” Natasha’s stomach answered in a low growl, red blooming across her cheeks.

“I could do with some food. Lead the way.”

The trio entered the dining hall, a large room that seemed even bigger due to the small table that adorned it. And small was an overstatement; the table could seat twelve easily with plenty of room to spare. “You remember, Nat, when I suggested you change your hair color because it’s an easily recognizable feature of yours when you’re a redhead?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t recall telling you to dye it Khaleesi white,” Bobbi grinned as she sat at the chair Clint had pulled out for her. 

“Har de har har. I’ll take that under advisement the next time I decide to take fashion tips from you,” Nat snorted.

“She’s got a point, though. It washes your eyebrows out,” Clint snickered.

“ _Et tu_ , Clinton?”

“Hey, for a natural redhead, you have really light eyebrows,” he smirked as he sat down next to Bobbi.

“Well I certainly wasn’t going to dye them, not for something so ephemeral as a hair color change.”

Bobbi grinned as she sat back. “Maybe you should reconsider that if you’re gonna stay with the Mother of Dragons look.”

“If we ever get Ross off our backs, I’ll make sure to put it back to rights if you two will shut up with the crappy jokes,” Natasha replied.

“Oh, I don’t think we’re likely to forget this one.”

“You’re both terrible people.”

“It’s part of the reason you love us, though,” Bobbi nudged her with a chuckle.

“That’s debatable and unless otherwise scientifically proven, extremely false.”

“I could try and prove it.”

“Try? Yes. Succeeding is different, Bobbi.”

“Fair enough, but it doesn’t mean that I’m wrong,” the blonde nodded with a sassy wink, her eyes going to T’Challa when he entered. Natasha followed her gaze, smiling slightly, and moved to stand, halting when he shook his head.

“You need not rise, Agent Romanoff, but thank you,” T’Challa advised with a kind smile (Natasha nodded and took her seat again) as he pulled out the chairs on either side of him for a regal-looking woman with white hair and a young woman who seemed to be in her teens. He took his seat as they settled, making formal introductions, gesturing to each in turn. “This is my mother and one of my head advisors, Queen Ramonda.”

“ _I’m no longer queen anymore, my son, now that you are king_ ,” the elder woman chided gently in Xhosa.

“ _You know full well what I mean. You are queen until I marry _,” he replied smoothly in their mother tongue.__

__“ _I’m not getting any younger, you know that_.”_ _

__The young woman scoffed and replied in the same language. “ _Right now, I’d settle for him not freezing at the sight of her_.”_ _

__The remark got several stifled chuckles out of his personal guard, along with his mother, while earning her a look from the new king. “ _Will you drop that_?”_ _

__“Never!”_ _

__Natasha could have sworn she heard him mutter “Bast, give me patience” and ducked her head to hide her smile; Bobbi was grinning unabashedly at the entire exchange between the two as she leaned over and translated for Clint, who laughed. “And this is?” Natasha prodded gently, gesturing to the dark skinned female he’d been talking to._ _

__“This is my sister, and head scientist, Shuri,” T’Challa replied._ _

__“She’s one of the smartest people you’ll ever meet, Nat. Beats out Tony by miles, which is saying something. She makes me look like an ignoramus,” Bobbi advised her with a smirk. The Russian spy’s eyebrows rose in surprise as she took stock of Shuri. This was the sister that T’Challa had mentioned, but she didn’t appear to be any older than twenty, and that was being more than generous._ _

__“Oh stop. You’re an intelligent woman yourself, _Doctor_ Barton, as you proved immediately by wearing the right footwear. I would not have allowed you to conduct any work in my lab otherwise,” Shuri retorted in accented English._ _

__The blonde laughed at the affronted look on T’Challa’s face. “I’ve spent my fair amount of hours in a lab. That was lesson number one: always, always have on closed toe shoes. You never know when something could splash anywhere and then your feet end up hurting.”_ _

__“Maybe you could teach my brother to do the same.”_ _

__“How many times has he done it?”_ _

__“Just once.”_ _

__“Special occasion?”_ _

__“First official day as King.”_ _

__“Eh, cut him some slack then. It was only the once, and if he does it again, just nag him about it till he does what you want.”_ _

__“Must you both speak as though I am not present? It is very…uncomfortable,” T’Challa groused._ _

__“Get used to it, man. When you’re outnumbered at least four to one, you aren’t gonna win. Trust me, you’re talking to someone with plenty of experience there,” Clint advised with a chuckle, the ladies continuing to speak among themselves._ _

__“You as well?”_ _

__“Yup. Nat and Bobbi do it to me all the time. Why do you think I protested so much before about Natasha coming here?”_ _

__Natasha watched the proceedings with interest, choosing to take everything in as she ate silently. She’d long since learned that that was the best way to learn things at times: watch in silence, in stillness, and others around you tended to not notice you. It was a very valuable, easy way to gain information. She smiled amiably as she listened to the conversations around for several minutes until something...no, someone caught her eye, darting to her feet and sending her chair clattering to the floor. _How could_ he _be here? It wasn’t possible. He’s supposed to be in the wind, to gods only know where_. The only thing that kept her in her place were the amount of eyes now on her waiting for an answer. _ _

__“What is it?” Bobbi asked when she saw her friend shoot up from her chair as though stung._ _

__“I’m...I’m not sure, honestly. I apologize for the interruption, the food was delicious, but may I be excused? I’m not feeling well,” Natasha lied, grimacing deeply._ _

__“Of course. Should I send a doctor to your quarters?” T’Challa inquired._ _

__“No, that won’t be necessary, but if I change my mind, how do I--?”_ _

__“Use the tablet on the wall and someone will answer,” Shuri answered._ _

__“Thank you, your Highness,” she replied, rushing off in the direction she’d seen the figure come from with a hand on her stomach, intent on catching whoever it was, dropping it as soon as she was out of sight. Upon reaching a forked hallway, she looked down both sides, seeing a flash to her left. “Left it is.” Natasha moved swiftly down the corridor as quietly as she could, eyes peeled for anyone and anything. Taking the same right that the figure did, she followed it all the way down till it ended with a single, closed white door. She stood there for several minutes, arms hanging at her sides, debating what to do. If she was wrong, and it wasn’t who she thought, she would have to find some way to explain away her actions. But, if she was right, and she felt more than a little certain that she was, that just raised a litany of questions, some which she wasn’t sure she wanted answers to. She didn’t know if she wanted to be right or wrong; being wrong would be easy, and being right was something she wasn’t certain she was ready for. As to if she was right, well...there was only one way to find out. Turning the knob, she pushed on the door, not surprised when it didn’t open. They were smart, whoever they were, but she was smarter. Within seconds, she’d picked the deadbolt lock with a set that doubled as hair accessories. Natasha entered and shut the door behind her, leaving it open just a crack, as she tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach._ _

__Looking up, she found herself in a living room similar to her own, but it was surprisingly empty. Where had they gone? Doing a mental check on the path she followed, she felt more than certain that she’d come to the right place, having only caught the barest glimpses every time she spotted her quarry. “The hell?” she muttered under her breath as she surveyed the room, venturing towards the open sliding glass door that led to a balcony. There was a possibility whoever it was had...no. No one was foolish enough to do that, not without the proper equipment. She shook her head to herself, wondering if maybe she was losing her mind._ _

__Natasha missed the footsteps behind her and didn’t even have any time to react before a wet, muscled arm was wrapped around her neck, a wicked looking knife held to her throat by the hand at the end of it, his chest up against her back. Taking stock of the situation, she realized two things very quickly in succession: one, whoever was holding her was definitely the person she’d been chasing, and two, they had her in a tight enough grip that if she tried anything, she wouldn’t get very far, and that was if she managed to get away unscathed in the first place. Still, that didn’t stop her from reaching towards her stomach where she had a blade planted. The figure behind her pressed the knife closer, making her hiss and move her hands away from her body. “Who are you?” she asked coolly._ _

__She felt the sharp exhale of surprise against her hair before she heard it. “Natalia? What the hell are you doing here?” her captor asked with disbelief, letting go of her slowly. It took a moment for the voice to register in her mind, and she still wasn’t sure if she wanted to be right or wrong at the moment. Years of training and missions, among other things, told her that yes, she was unequivocally correct. And she wasn’t prepared to be. She turned around to face him, her eyes meeting his._ _

__“James.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for any feedback!


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